Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
