I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
