Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
