I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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