Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Your penis caused this!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
