p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
