He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
