This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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