I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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