drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
