did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
