Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize