She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
