Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
