There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
