Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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