i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
