so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
