Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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