Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
