a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
