I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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