i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
