last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
