i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
