24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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