Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
