Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
