i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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