i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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