I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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