why didn't you poke me back
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
