so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
