are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
