how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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