She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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