Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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