I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
