you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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