Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
