And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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