Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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