hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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