Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
