God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
