There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You don't make any sense
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