it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
