Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize