Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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