i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
