The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i dont even know how to be here
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
