My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize