can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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