They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize