Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
