On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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