im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
