just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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