So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
two words: eviction party
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
