I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
