Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
