I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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