I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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