I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize