I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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