Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
