hell yes lets make some ravioli
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
