Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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