There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
