I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
