Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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