Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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