Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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