whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
