I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
